That's not how businesses work

I was a little put-off in my one-on-one with John today. I knew he'd take issue with my 3-week vacation. But I also knew I wouldn't apologize for it. We had a good conversation, he remained pleasant, and things went better than I could have hoped for. 

But it also felt like we were drawing lines when it came to discussing my career path. I don't intend to stay with Hangar for more than a year. We're both clear on that. And as such, he wasn't overly flowery in his discussion of where I could go in this role. It's temporary. 

But back to vacation. He called me out because "we just don't do that in this world". Which is fair, and true. But that was a more defining moment that I think I even recognize now. I don't really want to be in this world long term. I want the flexibility to see my family when I want to see them. I don't want to be in a dim office from 9-5 every day. I was to take more control over the projects I choose to work on. 

I know I have the skills. I have the desire. But I don't have the time to craft a calculated plan right now like I wish I did. I don't want this to feel like an escape, because there have been things I've enjoyed at Hangar Marketing. And as of now I'm planning to stay there for a while. 

But a big part of me wants to go off on my own. I want to build a brand, build a business. There are so many things I'm so good at and enjoy. I would love to have the time and the freedom. But as it is, I'm shackled down to a rent payment and a car payment. 

I keep thinking about going home. That's my comfort zone, but also a safe place to fail. If I try a few things and they aren't profitable for 3 months, I haven't lost any money. I do lose my independence, my physical and mental health will probably deteriorate. 

But also, they've been deteriorating here, too. I have friends here, but only for so long. So I guess I just really don't know what I'm going to make of myself. But I do know I don't like marketing. 

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