I Want

 I don't have time to plan everything out perfectly, but I know I need to start changing things - I just don't know where to start. 

I have enough time to do what I need to do, but I still can't/don't/won't get it all done. So many things suck away my time. Some of them are good things, high quality. Others, not so much. 

Bishop today was talking about creating versus consuming in a new light I really appreciated. Am I consuming entertainment, or creating things I find entertaining? Am I consuming fast food, or creating healthy meals and memories with my food? 

Shifting this mindset can make a huge difference. 

Focusing on creating from what I have with the time available to me will be more fulfilling every time. 

At the same time, I need to find a balance where I'm not condemning myself whenever I want entertainment. Just like with food, where I find the most success when I start out with a plan, I need to develop plans that allow for flexibility, but also take out the guesswork and time spent on decision making. When the decision making wears me down so much, I usually settle for a bad decision. That isn't where I want to be. 

With food, if I have meals already planned and prepared, that's what I eat. If I don't, I wander around deciding for forever, take so long to cook, then eat too much because it's easier than putting it away. 

I need to decide what my biggest creative priorities are, because I know I don't have time for it all and I'd rather spend my time doing a few things deeply. 

c   r   e   a   t   i   v   e  

- I want to write more

- - I want to write interesting LinkedIn content

- - I want to write interesting content for Making Progress Personal; blogs, Instagram, emails, who knows what else?

- - I want to eventually buckle down and write a novel. It's probably years down the road, but maybe it doesn't have to be

- I want to design more products

- - I want to deck out the whole shopping/ordering experience

- I kind of want to start a TikTok with Emily reviewing all the silly movies we watch

- I want to redesign my whole portfolio

- I want to do a 30 day challenge of something


Aside from creative projects I want to take on, I know I need to make changes to improve my health. If the rumor is true and it's all downhill from 25, I want to hit 25 at my peak. I have 3 months til 25. 

This is a place where I don't even really know what benchmarks to set as goals for myself aside from weight. Which isn't an awful measure to use, but it certainly isn't fully encompassing. 

h   e   a   l   t   h  

- I want to eat more vegetables, less dairy and sugar

- I want to figure out intuitive eating and if I have intolerances, because I'm sick of my stomach aching for hours after every meal

- I want to rein in this chocolate addiction. When these addictive tendencies take over, I feel the reason shut off in my brain while I seek out chocolate. But it's also not something I'm willing to give up forever. 

- I want to reduce the pain in my neck from bad sleep, poor posture, other damage, inflammation

- I want to fit into all the cute size 12 pants I bought as I saw that number on the horizon

- I want to have energy in the morning, and afternoon, and evening

m   e   n   t   a   l   l   y  

- I want to complain less and be grateful more

- I want to act in confidence, not fear

- I want to read more. Not a ton, but maybe one book a month. And take notes while I read. 

g   o   s   p   e   l       l   i   v   i   n   g  

- I want at least one good come follow me session a week. I should probably find a way to orchestrate a study session with friends. 

- I want to be in the temple, with my family names, at least once a week

- I want to feel excited to open the Book of Mormon each day

There are so so so many other things I want to do. But figuring out how to do these things is already so much

l   o   n   g       t   e   r   m  

- I want to marry someone who is sweet and patient and funny and supportive (and who will wash dishes)

- I want to travel the world

- I want to find a career that pushes me creatively and supports the lifestyle I want to live

- I want financial stability

- I want to build healthy relationships with the people who matter most in my life


I guess this is as close to a heroine's "I Want" song as I'll be getting for now. Feels like a bigger picture "Somewhere That's Green" - if I took a more microscoping approach to that scene, I'd throw in my dreams of a vacuum cleaner and a printer. But I know better than to make it an "I Wish" song sort of moment. 

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