9 October 2022
I feel so far behind on so many big important things I need to take care of. And this weekend I had the time to catch up. I really did. But then I didn't. I keep feeling guilty about not inviting people over, so then I do. But then I use it as an excuse to avoid what I actually want to do. It's so contradictory, I'm trying to make sense of it. I keep doing what I think other people want me to do - and to a degree I do. But then it feels like a waste of everybody's time. We watched some awful Bible movies today. Then under the claim of wanting to "avoid responsibility", that's just what I did, skipping through awful movie trailers. When I really wanted to be making a spreadsheet for next week, or cleaning my office, or putting away laundry, or reading a book. But wanting to do those productive things would contradict my persona of the moment, which was one seeking out cheap entertainment and complaining about being responsible. Because misery loves compa